Growling, Cooing and Nyuck-Nyuck-Nyucking Through the Generation Gap

Katie and I went down to the Margaret River area over Easter. There we spent a bit of time with her sister, Sal, and three-month-old nephew, Jacob. At one point Katie had asked me if I wanted to hold the baby and my response was, "I don't know... I'm okay with my own kids; I don't feel funny cooing or growling at them, but not other kids."

Maybe it was a case of jitters prior to our own baby's arrival, but I started wondering if I had lost my touch with babies. Now, given the villain I have become post-divorce, I'm sure my ex-wife would say that I never had a touch with babies and that I was much more of a growler than a cooer, but when I was growing up I seemed to be pretty good with babies and people would say things like, "You'll be a good father some day."

Being entirely candid, I know that I was, for various reasons, quite depressed when my younger son Mac was born and I had offered up a spicey soundbite or two in regards to fatherhood and my tenuous connection to him. Thankfully, I grew close to him after I found a job and started settling on the new continent, but the pangs of guilt are still there. I figured if I held Jacob he'd pick up on my failings with babies in the past and would just wail.

Don't get me wrong, I like many babies, and I certainly don't dislike them on principle. My stepfather, Harry G. Nicoll, on the other hand, would often make the pronouncement, "I. Don't. Like. Babies." In a movie, you might have a central character say such a thing several times throughout the flick only to see him awkwardly cuddle-up with his grandchild during the last reel, but Harry's story, as far as I can tell, didn't have such a moment. My mother had the whole situation nicely pegged: "He just hates the fact that babies take the attention away from him." In his defense, Harry was great with older kids, teenagers and young people in general. But he really didn't like those beings that, in his words, "did nothing but eat, shit and squawk."

Getting back to me and babies and away from the digression, some babies I like and some are just okay. I certainly don't view all of them as adorable little angels, nor do I view them with the passion that some have for, say, a specific breed of dogs. Although you can't accurately say that a baby has a personality, you can say the little one has a presence. Some harmonise with us, others not so much.

Anyway, Katie is very persuasive. I held Jacob for a few minutes. He's too young to be bounced or tossed (to name just a couple of stereotypical guy-baby activities), but he was pretty cool with make believe dancing coupled with a mild invisible elevator sort of movement. I even got a few smiles out of him and a proto-giggle. In my book, that counts as bonding with Uncle Greg. We're pretty cool with each other. All of this bodes well for September and the arrival of Little Walker-White (whose sex is to be discovered in five days, by the way).

Moving up a few stages in the life cycle, last weekend Firstborn Cal and I were cruising through YouTube. Somehow we got to The Three Stooges.

"Oh, Cal! You're gonna love these guys! I used to watch them all the time when I was your age."

I explained to him how they were known for their particularly violent brand of slapstick. "But it's not the kind of violence you see in your video games or in, like, The Lord of the Rings." The clip we watched (linked above) was described as the "most violent sequence ever," but I knew no one was going to be killed and that it would be bloodless. Certainly it wouldn't be as bad as The Itchy & Scratchy Show, which he's seen tons of times on The Simpsons.

Well, was I surprised by Cal's reaction (picture at left)! Not only did he not laugh, but there were a few times when his eyes widened in disbelief. When Moe put Curly's nose to the grinding wheel he said something like, "Oh, my God, Dad! That is so violent!" He was really taken aback! At that point, I was more amused with the difference in tastes between the generations than I was the video clip. This kid (and all of his peers, lest I come off as the least-discerning father in Australia) has seen Orcs beheaded, Indiana Jones bloodying Nazis, Luke Skywalker have his hand amputated by his own father, King Kong chomping on Skull Islanders, hordes of the Na'vi wiped out on Pandora and Spider-Man receive plenty of graphic ass-whippings by deranged supervillains—but he was slapped out of his complacency by Moe Howard!

Honestly... I'm guessing it's Moe's bullying ways that did it. The guy really does have a nasty attitude and his expressions are genuinely mean when he whacks the other two. As far as I know, Cal has never been slapped before, so maybe that has something to do with it. When I was growing up, bullying was a fine art during recess at Avery School. I should be grateful that my boys are growing up in an age when grabbing another's nose is worse than decapitation, right?

Note to self : For pure entertainment value, invisible elevators have a greater shelf life—across generations—than The Stooges. You oughta know that by now, you chowdahead—crack! crunch! boink!